Thread:McAlastair/@comment-26356785-20161112205000/@comment-27496972-20161112235711

It's not personal, more that I'll get picked on if I tell the wrong people, but you all seem nice enough to know. Compared to Crimera, what I have may be nothing compared to DRTB.

From the age of 9 I was naive and energetic like everyone else. I was unique because I was half-Chinese and had ASD (aspergers syndrome disorder, a special type of autism that made me sensitive in every way imaginable.) and was a really good sketch artist. In grade 3 there was this Indian kid who picked on me, he was trying to be my friend but he was more like a bully/rival to me. In grade 4-7 I was targeted by this redhead and smartass for being asian, throwing racist slurs at me (ching-ching-Chinaman, Powk fwied wice and all that) and picked on my weight and love for gaming.

When I moved to a Lutheran College for high-school, those guys were gone but about 10 jock-like troglodites took their place and were MUCH worse than the previous three guys. They were nothing more than racist, dumbass, Trump-supporting  bigots that thought themselves superior to everyone, even the teachers. Most of the guys in my grade were idiots that regularly got into trouble for freestyling classes, pervertion and inappropriate behaviour directed at everyone. To me, they saw me as sensitive  and knew I could be picked on easily. They sweared, pushed, assaulted (pysically and sexually) and did all sorts of stuff to me I can't ever stomach.

I previously talked about one's 'will to live' when talking about Nu's state after CF, essentially everyone lives for something/someone. Without that, they become diagnosed with clinical depression and fall on criminal activities, social isolation, a doll-like blank expression that sticks around or suicide. I had the last two, I couldn't talk to anyone properly, I almost died about 6 times in 3 years, my gaming passion turned into an addiction and I was always alone. I constantly had PT-stress disorder from the more severe incidents and so I could never truely trust anyone who wasn't completely kind. My only social media accounts are on XBox Live, Steam, Google+ and Skype because I could mask myself and they couldn't know who I was incase of cyberbullying.

Bullying does a number on one's mental capacity, but throw in Aspergers and the fact that I look like a random junkie on the streets, you'd have a ticking time-bomb just waiting to blow. At least once a week or fortnight I had these outbursts where I cried my eyes out due to stress from school or being bullied that lasted for hours on end. It got to the point where I excluded myself from a lot of school activities such as sports, camp and stressful classes, (though I never actually skipped school days altogether) and taught myself lockpicking, my own style of jujitsu  and acting to defend myself or hide. I became suspicious and paranoid around strangers and other people because of those experiences. Everyday, I felt weak and my stomach felt as if I was about to vomit. If I needed something explained, someone would explain and write notes or a diagram for me to understand, but even then it doesn't always work. I was offered help, but pride got in the way; I wanted to prove I was old enough to handle life on my own. I wanted to prove to everypne that I wasn't weak, I wasn't soft, I wasn't stupid, etc.

As I got older, it slowly got better, but it was never gone. Today, those experiences shaped me into a 'gentleman' who shows courage, bravery and kindness where there was none, taking a stand against inequality and superiorism where it was present. I have regular appointments with 5 different specialists, I take these anti-depressent pills and concentration tablets everyday, I practice boxing about 4 times a week and I have THE cutest baby schnauzer imaginable who loves me as much as I love her back.

My experiences as a victim of bullying shaped my character and personality just as DRTB shaped Crimera. It's a part of me that I can never erase and I have to live with, cutting it out would be like using a cleaver to cut off my own legs.

It's only human to be curious. It can kill the cat but it's okay. You have my story, it stays here and no-one else but members of this wiki can know about it. I ask that of anyone who reads this message. If you made fun of me knowing this, I would probably cancel all know internet accounts and never show myself to the world again. I'm basically handing you nuclear launch codes by telling you guys, so please, I'm trusting you all to be discret and help me whenever possible.